The Poison Has Returned

I did reasonably good for 10 days. I would have continued were it not for the placement of my wife’s birthday. January 10 is a tough day to celebrate everyone is recovering from the holiday hangover and still resolute. My self included. She just wants to celebrate her birthday with a nice meal and a cocktail. Which is fine for her. I don’t operate on the ‘a cocktail’ level. I genuinely struggled with whether or not I would have a drink with her on her birthday. After much deliberation, I decided I would have a glass of wine, maybe two then return to program. Problem; once I decided I had a pass, all restrictions were lifted. Instead of just a glass of wine with lunch the day of, I preemptively had a stiff gin and soda the day before. Then, I went deep with a Manhattan prior to the lunch that I was only going to allow myself a single glass of wine at. I also has some more gin when I got home. Then some beers with a friend that night. Moderation is not an ability I have. The best thing to come of this is that I finished the gin, so that bottle isn’t calling me every time I walk by. I was punished for my deeds when I stepped on the scale this morning. I loved 10 days. I felt good. My resolve was strong and I was excited to see where this was going to lead. Now I am back at 1. I fucked that up and I am more disappointed with myself than I expected I would be. I will not drink today.

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